We all want to make a good impression on the one holding the strings to our publishing career. The internet is abounding with tips on how to write this or how to write that but no one really tells you how to suck up to your editor.
1. Send Flowers – Spring is in the air and what better way to attract the attention of a potential editor than sending her a bunch of tulips. Do not worry about potential allergies; it is the thought that counts.
2. Bring Her Lunch – Editors are busy people and often do not get the chance to stop for a healthy lunch. Make her something with your two little hands and she will appreciate you forever.
3. Walk Her Dog – Fido really does not get much exercise with her mom working all day. Take Fido out for some much needed exercise. She will thank you for saving the legs of her dining room table from another day of chewing.
4. Baby-Sit – Just like every other parent, editors need a break from the kids too. Pop by her house and offer to babysit the kids while she goes out for some “me” time.
5. Take Her Car For a Tune Up – Make sure the car purrs like a kitten. When you return it make sure you leave an extra manuscript on the passenger seat, in the glove box and in the gym bag in the trunk.
6. Pick Up the Kids – Save her some rushing around by picking up her kids from school. You can drop them off at home or at work. This will mean extra precious moments she will have to review your manuscript.
7. Shovel Her Driveway – This backbreaking work should not be attempted by an editor whose day to day life involves lifting manuscripts and using red pens. If you take the kids home you can enlist their help.
8. Seven Course Meal – Treat the proposed editor to an extraordinary meal served with lots of wine over candlelight. Be sure to have contracts on hand.
9. Brush Her Hair – 100 times every night before you tuck her in. Every editor wants to look good. And even though this is thought to be an old wives tale, it feels good to have your hair brushed until it glistens. Throw in a scalp massage if she has not put up too much of a fuss.
10. Breakfast in Bed – Surprise your intended editor with breakfast in bed. To make sure you beat her to the kitchen spend the night on the back porch so you can be up early and save travel time. Hand squeeze some orange juice, fry some egg whites (she’s probably watching her figure) and lightly brown some toast.
It is the simple things that really make an impression. Any combination of the above ten suggestions is sure to make a positive impression on the next editor (or literary agent) you want to back you.
Disclaimer: These are tongue-in-cheek suggestions and probably not a good idea to try (unless you want to send me some tulips. I like tulips). Writer is not responsible for anyone who attempts harassing potential editors, agents or anyone else in this way.